a writer, growing up

 
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when i started writing, i posted stories online. i was too shy to show off my writing to other people and my friends didn’t like to read in 8th grade so i figured they wouldn’t care to read nor understand. most of those stories i put online still shake me to my core because i was thirteen and i spent afternoons after school writing fan-fiction or other fiction that reading them back, i truly can’t take seriously anymore. but that’s normal, i’m sure a lot of writers out there feel the same about their former works.

Even though i feel embarrassed now, i also remember how my readers and following on the platforms booksie and wattpad kept asking me to update more and i felt heard and i would write more and update the next chapters and feel so accomplished that i was making these internet friends happy with just my words.

as i grew older, inevitably, i grew out of a lot of things i used to like, especially when it came to writing. i started reading more classics, fell in love with cinematography, fell in and out of love, dealt with a broken family and life at home, and was suddenly exposed to much more impact and influence around me.

my writing changed, as well as my view of life, so when after a few years of not updating those stories i had started online, i could not for the life of me get back into the mindset of the girl that started them. so i unpublished 6 out of 10 stories i had up and then struggled some more with one story i thought i could find my way back into. i didn’t, because even when i wanted to rewrite the whole thing, i disagreed with a lot of the plot i’d had in mind. archived.

it’s unfortunate, because i think i had a lot of great ideas that have turned into mediocre ideas that were far from well thought-out, in hind-sight.

now i am writing on 6 projects again and i wonder how long it will take me to go through the same process. maybe i just need a long break just to focus on my writing so i can actually finish these projects before jumping off them and never sharing them with the world, which is my biggest dream. i only have this one dream but to make it come true, i’ve got to pull myself together. (though i doubt writers ever have their stuff together. that’s why they write so well.)

but life isn’t always that comfortable and for an aspiring author like me, giving up a full-time job and a stable income is not really an option right now.

i’ve always felt like a writer, but just recently it has really dawned on me that every writer grows up, and as they grow up, their writing does too and their minds, oh, their minds can start off thunder – and that will never change.