Sometimes I am afraid to feel more. I don’t feel enough. Because I’m scared, because the feelings I feel make or break me, and I never knew an in-between.
I tend to forget, or just refuse to believe that whatever I am going through, I will get through eventually. The tunnel isn’t endless, even if it takes a long time to cross it.
Wherever I am hurting, I will heal eventually. I’ve seen it happen before, my past hurt may still hurt here and there, and my scars will still show, some of them. But I will be healing, the wounds will never stay open and gushing over.
My belief that every person crossing me in my life is and will be there for a reason, even if they end up leaving, the lesson I’ve learned with them or from them will stay forever, engraved like a tattoo in my mind. They’ll teach me things for life, at least give me memories to hold onto. Things will feel temporary, and I will feel like giving up again. But I have never truly given up. And I always sort of made it out of a mess.
And that is why I can’t keep myself from FEELING, simply feeling, giving myself into whatever it is that I am feeling. Not hide it, suppress it, wanting to make it stop. Why can’t we accept that we feel the way we feel and things are the way they are?
CRY. Like you have never cried before because it will all spill over at some point and you have to allow it.
FEEL. The pain and recognise it. You’re perfectly allowed to feel pain and feel disappointed, angry, frustrated. Who ever said it was wrong? Who is taking away your right to feel a certain way? Who said you have to be a robot to be accepted? Even by yourself?
LOVE. Like it’s your last time you’ll ever get to love somebody. And that also goes for yourself.
BE VULNERABLE. Even if you end up getting hurt, it is okay. It is always okay. In our age, the wounds we develop aren’t ones we can kiss and put a bandage on. And no one is going to do it for us.
So GRIEVE. If you have to. Grieve the hell out of everything that’s ever gone wrong so you can move past it.
The beauty about you and me and everyone around us is the fact that we all have a chance to grow and evolve and learn, and it will never have an end.
The absolute worst thing you can do to yourself is take away the parts
of you that make you human. It took me a while to understand that. I am doing this to MYSELF.
I worry so, so much about the future. So much to the point I forget to live my life. And for what? I’m not even on the safe side. I’m just wasting away a beautiful thing.
I am scared of things going wrong, so I don’t give myself the privilege to take a fucking risk.
There will be more mistakes to make. I knew I’d fall in love again after getting my heart broken. And if I get it broken again, I will find my way back to love once again. And once more. And once more.
Be proud of the blood that running through your veins, the heart
that is pumping in your chest, and the emotions you feel.